Oh Be Not Dismayed.

Many of you know that my little Stella has been disciplining herself as of late. Caught with fingernail polish? Before I can say a word, she starts yelling at herself saying "STELLLA, STEELLLLAA... NO! Put BACK. UH UH!" While at first this was endearing and cute, she is starting to discipline herself on even the smallest of mistakes.

The other day, she tripped and fell, and accidentally got blood on her brand new white pants and made a little hole in them. And as if the scratch on her knee wasn't pain enough, she proceeded to verbally discipline herself! As I heard her getting upset at herself for ripping her pants- My heart ached. It hurt me to see her being so hard on herself. I wanted her to know that mercy is something that we don't just give to others, but ourselves as well. I proceeded to stop her by scooping her up in a hug. I said-  "Stella, it is ok. I don't care about the hole in your pants. You are still getting the hang of running, and sometimes, you fall! I don't care about the stain your blood left. I just want to make sure you are ok. Don't beat yourself up about this. It's OK. It's OK."

As I sat on the ground with her telling her she was loved, and to not be so hard on herself, I felt a warm loving confirmation from the spirit- "Kait, it's ok, I don't care that you have been making a lot of mistake recently. You are still trying to figure this whole mom, wife, and disciple thing out. Don't be so hard on YOURSELF for falling. stop beating yourself up. I love you, It's OK. It's OK.

God taught me a wonderful lesson that day. I have been pretty hard on myself recently with everything that has been going on in my life. I feel like a failure and inadequate in many ways. I felt so bad that I have been letting heavenly father down. Staining the perfect white life he has given me with my blood and holes my mistakes keep leaving in it. But I am learning so much more about how he loves us through raising Stella. When we unnecessarily beat ourselves up for the mistakes in life, I don't think God sits up there and thinks. "Serves you right for ripping your pants!!" I know he feels the way I felt with Stella, and hopes that sometimes, we give yourself a little mercy, because it pains him to see us punish and cause ourselves pain unwarranted by the mistakes of growing, and learning. He is quick to forget about the holes, the blood, the stains in our metaphorical white pants, because he fixed those things long ago with the holes in his hands, the blood of his atonement, and the stains of his tears. And "though your sins (AND MISTAKES) be as scarlet- they shall be [white] as wool.