Was Blind But Now I See.

There once was a story of a man born blind.

He lived a life of loneliness, seclusion, misunderstanding. He was exiled, cast out, and disowned from his family, forced to beg on the streets for survival. Hoping one would come along and show mercy to keep him alive. 

All believed that either he, or his parents, had done something to bring this misfortune upon this evil blind man. "Master who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?" 

As I read this story, my heart mourns with this blind man. What a life of loneliness he must have lived, a man acquainted with grief, I am sure. I may have not been born blind, but I have been born with some characteristics and tendencies that have caused me spiritual blindness at points in my life.  But most of the time, I do not even have my "nature" to blame. I cause the blindness myself by my own choices and actions. I lose track of what I want to be doing with my life, where I am supposed to be, and why it even matters. 

But the tale of  the blind man is characterized not by his long life of exile, depression, and darkness, but he is remembered by his supreme act of faith and hope.

As Jesus passed by this blind man in the streets of Jerusalem of an early Sabbath morning, one of his disciples, no doubt trying to understand more fully the nature of sin, asked his Master, essentially, whose fault is it that the man before them was born blind. In their day and age, it was seen to be a sign of sin and loss of favor with God to be born with any type of physical disability or impairment.

Jesus, surprised the multitude with his answer, "Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him." 

The Prince of Peace did not see this man as a sinner, and in no way brought that blindness upon him as a punishment, but as an opportunity, if the blind man chose to accept it, to manifest the love, power, and mercy of the Son of God.

As Christ bowed and put a "spittle" of mud on his eyes, he commanded the man born blind to "Go, wash in the pool of Siloam."

No promise of healing was given, no immediate light bestowed, no grand performance in front of the crowds. Just a quiet command to go, and do.

And the blind man did just that.

I always pictured Christ leading this man to to pool with the multitudes following him, then the crowd gasping as they watched their community cripple become a man of sight. But I read too quickly. This man's journey was much different than that, and much more symbolic of the journey of a disciple. 

"HE, went his way, therefore, and washed, and came seeing." (John 9:7)

HE. Not they, not the multitude, not the disciples, just HE.

This blind man, after an encounter with the Son of the Living God, given a command with no promise blessings verbalized, journeyed to the Pool of Siloam alone.

Now one may say, "Well that doesn't seem too hard!" until we remember that is man is blind. 

We do not know how far this pool was from this man's regular begging spot, and we do not know how familiar he was was the landscape of the city. We are not given that information. But I would supposed it would be quite the feat.

He must have heard some people walking by day after day talking on this Jesus of Nazareth, and the miracles they had witnessed. He must have had some degree of skepticism, not ever being able to see these miracles with his own eyes. But whatever doubts he had, it was not enough to deter him from the possibility of sight. He was willing to make the journey, not knowing what the outcome would be. 

Imagine, a blind man stumbling down the stony steps of Jerusalem alone, believing the Savoir's statement " I am the light of the world." With no promise he would receive sight, just believing enough to take step after step, hoping that the Savoir's declaration was true. Many must have mocked him, the blind man with muddy spit on his eyes. "What is he doing?" " Doesn't he know who he is in himself? A blind man? He must be a fool." Slowly, and painfully, trying to make his way to a destination he could not see. But he did make the journey, and he arrived, I would supposed, with some bruises and scrapes from his lonely voyage.

He arrived, and did as commanded: he washed. And as he washed, he received his sight. 

Now we know that Christ was not there with him during this miracle because the neighbor's asked him " Where is he? And he said "I know not."

Now one would think this man would get to celebrate after having this wonderful miracle performed, but he was immediately taken to the Pharisees. He was questioned, and essentially was told the Jesus was an evil man, and that he should disown Christ as a sinner. But he would not. As he held true to the one thing he did know. "If this man were not of God, he could do nothing."

As he said this, he was reviled, declared unclean, and cast out of the synagogue. 

What a day. A man who was condemned by his own community since the day he was born finally could see. A wave of emotions must have been running through his mind. Who is this man whom opened mine eyes? Who I have been cast out of the synagogue for? I have never seen him, but he hast change my life. Bruised, bleeding, rejected, he probably stumbled in the dark of night to find the few belongings he had at his beggar's post. 

I would imagine and he reached his old shelter of many years, he would have stopped short, knelt to the ground and touched the dirt that brought him sight, and sobbed at the miracle he was blessed to be apart of. 

But Jesus would not leave his newfound disciple comfortless. When he heard the blind man had been cast out, he went to find him. The once blind man, never having seen the Savoir, could not have recognized him by appearance.  I picture Jesus, slowly approaching this man, who could have been sobbing on the ground, wet, dirty, and broken, and asked "Dost thou believe on the Son of God?"

The blind man,  in a third proof of his faith that day, asked a faith promoting question, "Who is he, Lord, that I might believe on him?"

He does not stop at "No, I do not know him." Or "I am not sure." But he says "Who is he?" (implying that he does not know or else he wouldn't be asking), and continues with "that I might believe on him?" He does not know at that moment who the Son of God is, but he wants to know. Then Christ, as he always does, reveals himself to one seeking him.

"Thou hast both seen him, and it is he that talketh with thee."

What a moment that must have been. A man, on his first day of sight, was privileged to not just see the savoir physically, but to know of his true character and divinity the same day. He knew in that moment that Jesus Christ was who he said he was, and I imagine him falling into the arms of his Savoir, sobbing and "worshiping" him. 

"And he said, Lord, I believe. And he worshipped him."

There is power in the words. "Lord, I believe."

Now we, on our paths to discipleship, sometimes expect the Savior to walk us down to the pool. We expect him to verbalize a promise that our faith will be rewarded. We expect him to show up when we are being mocked and ridiculed. We may think the path he has commanded us to take is unconventional, is unsafe, the path may seem to stony and crooked for our blind selves to navigate. "It is impossible!" we can declare. "How am I supposed to get where he has asked me to without sight! Doesn't he KNOW I am BLIND?"

Yes, he knows us. And he knows what path we need to take to become like him. He has walked the blind path before, and carved marks along the walls of the path through the nails in his hands and feet.  Will we still stumble? Yes. Will we take a wrong turn sometimes? Possibly. But as we feel for those marks in the walls and search for our Reedemer, we will know he is with us along our path.  And as we show our faith, consistently, never faltering, there will come a day where we can kneel at his feet, recognize those marks, come to know him, and say "Lord, I believe."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHBo7ka3YZQhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHBo7ka3YZQ

Verses taken from John Chapter 9.

Forging Relationship Ropes.

Jake and I have been married for almost three years now. And while I am no marriage expert, I have learned a lot in the past few years.


After we got back form our honeymoon, Jake and I went through all of the gifts and cards that everyone gave us. Pretty much everyone wrote some kind of marital advise on their gifts.

"Get over the little things!"

"Make sure you put the toilet seat DOWN!"

But the most repeated advice Jake and I got was this.

"Marriage is not a I give 50% you give 50% relationship. Marriage requires you to both give 100% to work."

Jake and I try our best to give each other 100%, but there are times and trials in life that make it impossible sometimes to give your 100%. And it is in those times where you find out the stuff that your marriage is made out of. There have been two distinct experiences I can recall that I would say were where our marriage was strengthened the most. And they weren't in the 100-100 ratio times. They were in the 0-100 and 100-0 times. It is the times where one spouse can give nothing, and how the other spouse reacts, that defines your marriage.

The natural thing to do when you are in a relationship and you feel like you are giving "more" than your spouse is to match what they are giving. Everyone knows that through your dating years if someone is more "invested" in the relationship than the other, it usually ends or fizzles out. That marital advice of 100-100% makes it seem unfair at times if your spouse isn't willing... or can't give their "fair share" to the relationship.

"Well If he/she is not going to make the effort to plan special things, then I won't." 

"Well if he/she is going to criticize me and never compliment me, I am going to do the same".

How is that fair if my spouse is constantly doing x,y,z wrong... and I feel like I am giving 110% all the time and it seems like they are only giving 60%?! This relationship is not going to work!!

So out of anger, we as human beings purposefully stop making the effort out of spite and vengeance. And then your spouse follows suit. You each keep on decreasing your "effort" to match what you feel like your spouse is giving, which makes NO ONE happy.

Luckily, in a time when I needed it most. my husband showed me what true Christlike love is. Even when someone could say I was giving -10%... not only not giving but taking other's strength, my husband continued to give his 100%. Was that fair to him? No. Was it fair that I was taking away precious study time during his first finals week EVER of medical school to talk to him about all my insecurities? No. Was I draining his spirits? Yes. But did he stop giving? No. But there soon came a time afterward where I would like to think that I may have returned the favor to him. But THIS, these are the moments where you find out how willing you are to make your marriage work. Marriage was instituted because God knew that it was in moments like these, that ALWAYS happen in marriage, where we have the opportunity to become more like the Savoir.

It is in these delicate times of marriage where the true bonds of love are formed. We can use our spouses weaknesses to "serve them right" to stomp them even deeper into the ground in their delicate vulnerable state. Or we can show selflessness and compassion, using our own strength to try to lift them up. One way turns a marital bond of rope into gold, the other shreds it so it is only holding on by a few threads.

This life's purpose is to become more like Christ, and Christ gave his EVERYTHING, and got NOTHING in return. Well, not nothing. This is what Christ got for his 100%"

"He was despised, and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief, and WE HID ...OUR FACES from him. He was despised and we esteemed him not.

Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows, yet we did esteem his stricken, smitten of God and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities. The chastisement of his peace is upon us, and with his stripes, we are healed." (Isaiah 53: 3-5)

What did the savior of the world get for giving up his honor, his glory, and coming down to give us his 100%? Well....He got something- crucified, tortured, bruised, rejected, spat upon, and so much more. And yet, even when we were doing those things to him, he still loved us, and gave us his 100%. By his actions of pure Love and Charity, even in the times where we gave him much less that what he TRULY deserved, he still gave us his 100%, and by doing so, lifted us through his efforts to escape our dark hole where we couldn't give him anything, to a place where we could try to give him something back to show our love for him.

Now, I am not saying that if you are in an abusive relationship it is OK for you to give 100% and never get anything. There is ZERO tolerance for abusive situations. And there are always circumstances where it is time to move on, and I am not one to judge when that point is for anyone. But I do know one thing for sure, It is is the times that people seem to just take take take, and we STILL choose to give, that forms us into a new creature, that helps transforms us closer to the image of Christ.

So to my wise friends and family who gave me that wonderful marital advise, I would like to add one more sentence to supplement that....Our marriages WORK when we both give 100% at all times. Relationships THRIVE and GROW when we are able to give each other 100% in the times where the other can barely muster up 1%. 

It is in those pits where charity- the pure love of Christ- is created. And when our spouses act in the example of Christ to give their 100% to help lift us out of those pits, that is where I have found the unbreakable bonds of MY marriage being forged.

Thoughts and Questions on The Baptism Requirement of Gay Children.

1. “And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the Living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.” (D&C 68:25.)
2. We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression

The Church hasn't come out with an official statement yet- But it is all over the media." LDS Church: Children of Same Sex Couples Not Eligible For Membership."

When I first saw this- I thought "This is seriously going to be the last straw for many members of the church." What a trial of faith for many saints. I have compassion on many of those who are struggling with this, and pray that we may all find an understanding and peace of how this (potential) announcement is consistent with the doctrines of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints.

Now. I don't expect everyone to agree with what I am about to say in the rest of my post, but this is how I have (so far), been able to reconcile my faith and feel at peace with this decision. I am going to continue to study and pray to seek more truth and wisdom, but these main points are what I have come up with so far, I ENCOURAGE POSITIVE DISCUSSION. ANY PERSONAL ATTACKS OR NAME CALLING ON EITHER SIDE WILL BE IMMEDIATELY DELETED! If you find fault in my logic, that is OK. I am still formulating my opinion and respectful conversation with those who disagree will help me to think more deeply about this topic, I very well could be completely wrong, I am not a gospel scholar, but I think I can learn through expressing my thoughts.

 “And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the Living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.” (D&C 68:25.)

• I think this is the most important scripture to me in reconciling the decision of the church. These children who will inevitably be in this situation, are not going to be allowed to be baptized at the standard age of 8, and there are some consequences associated with that. One of those consequences is not having the constant companionship of the spirit that comes with confirmation only after baptism. That is a sad thought to deprive children of that because of their Parent's actions But this scripture states that the sin will be on the head of the parents. That may sound harsh, but it is true only to those who are apart of Zion and who have known the truth, but don't follow it for whatever reason.
• "Well what about all those other children who are baptized with parents not living gospel standards? How is that any different? It seems the Church has come out directly against Gay people! What about the Alcoholics? You still allow their children to be baptized even though you say thy are sinning!" Some are saying within the church that those children are the ones who need the blessings of baptism and the companionship of the holy ghost the most in their situations, why would you punish the precious children who need it most!
• I don't know the answers to all these questions. I think the way the church sees it is that the Gay parents are outwardly living a life that directly contradicts church doctrine, and are out there ACTIVELY promoting others to do so, and whether we like it or not, children are associated with their parents. I don't think alcoholics go out and try to convince OTHERS to embrace alcoholism and become alcoholics. So now I have the question then of "Well then why are the children of Such and Such excommunicated couple that is actively opposing the church allowed to be baptized?!! Are they? I don't know. I don't think that there are enough widespread excommunicated couples with children who want to get baptized to warrant a general statement. I would imagine that is just taken care of on a case by case basis since it is such a small number. But The Church is probably anticipating a wide number of these situations, so to guide the current leaders, they have given us application to follow.
• God Loves his precious children, and will always bless them. This is not about whether or not god Loves the children of gay parents, for he loves EVERYONE. Period, no matter what you do or who you are. It is about what requirements there are to be a member of His church- which comes with associated blessings. You don't have to have the root for the same sports team for your parents to love you {or maybe you do in some households!! ;)}. But if they invite you into their club party for that team where there have been rules and standards set for entry, they would expect you to respect the rules as anyone else does to become a member. And in this case, they are saying in this situation, the children need to be 18 for admittance if their parents are rooting for a specific rival team. I think there is GREAT wisdom in that. I have literally seen families torn apart by rooting for different FOOTBALL teams PEOPLE!!!!! Imagine what kind of strain on a relationship between parent and child could result by them believing that WHO THEIR PARENTS ARE is wrong or a sin. No child should have to make that decision at such a young age. The church is not in the business of tearing families apart, but respecting agency and providing guidance to protect us and the precious children who seek after truth. 
•  I believe God loves us so much, and there must be wisdom in him doing this to protect his precious children. We may not see it that way right now, but I am sure that is why he did it. Not to punish his children, but to protect them

 We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression

• Now I have already seen many people stating that the church is being a hypocrite because of this statement, but they don't understand the true meaning of this declaration. This is stating that the original sin of Adam- which consequence was death- will not hold sway against the children of men because the Savior- through his atonement. Because of our savior was resurrected and broke the bands of death, ALL god's children: Gay, straight, purple, black, "righteous", "wicked", evil, saint- will ALL be resurrected to an immortal body. You don't have to choose to be resurrected, you just will be, no matter what. That is a gift that has been freely given no matter what. People who construe this article of faith to say " We believe that men (a child) will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's (gay parents) transgressions, have taken this article of faith out of context and misconstrued the words to fit their own benefit. This article of faith only pertains to the Father of Humanity's original sin, and how because of Christ's atonement, the consequence of his sin (death) in the end does not affect us. 

OK. That is all I have so far. I am sure my opinion may change and evolve based on discussion. And contrary to the media's belief today, someone is NOT a hypocrite for seeking more knowledge, and changing their opinion because more knowledge has been received. That is what bothers me about the media today. They say "You said this 10 years ago!!! you believed it once! You don't believe that anymore? OH MY GOODNESS YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE AND A FLIP FLOPPER! No, I am an educated human being with an open mind that will always accept further light and knowledge. We are not all knowing beings, so it is OK when our opinions change.

In His Constant Care

Stella and I were shopping the other day when we came across this picture. We stopped and looked at it, And for the first time in the HISTORY of Stella. She was still, calm, and reaching for this picture among all other pictures. It is entitled "In His Constant Care." I couldn't help but smile after a few minutes of Stella's uncommon reverence.

This picture stuck with me the rest of the day, and I remembered a Devotional President Monson gave while I was at BYU. He stated that we are spiritual beings having a physical experience... and proceeded to quote the Lion King smile emoticon

"Look deep inside yourselves. Remember who you are. Remember."

Looking deep inside yourself to find your spiritual "DNA" can be a painful process. Searching the depths of the human soul for our identity also requires discovering some other unpleasant flaws and traits about ourselves along the way. When we search for truth about ourselves, God does not give us a partial answer. He will let us know who we are, Good and Bad. Many halt at this painful point of self discovery, declaring their ugly inner selves not worthy of anyone's care- let alone a perfect, holy, all powerful being! But they are stopping just short of the FULLNESS of truth, where we learn and understand why all of those imperfections ARE OK. Once we push past the doubt and despair of our personal weaknesses,and realize we have LIGHT within us that overcomes the darkness...then we feel the love and promise of Christ: which is that we are in His constant care! And when we understand that, all those painful character traits don't seem to hurt as much.

The principle of forgive and ye will be forgiven applies to forgiving ourselves too. the FULLNESS of Christ's atonement -love- cannot work on or in us... if we haven't forgiven ourselves. It is hard to feel the warmth of love from anyone if we are surrounded in a blizzard of self loathing and pity.

The reason I know this is because I have stopped short many times, and it is a CONSTANT rediscovery too! It is not just a one time process and you KNOW. In time, if you don't return to him, you may forget, and think that you just imagined the whole thing. But as we allow ourselves to come to him and fix our impaired DNA, we become stronger, and more like him.

Who are we? I believe we are precious children of a All Powerful Being who wants us to call him Father. And our Savoir Jesus Christ loves us as his precious children. We truly are in His constant care, and I think Stella knew that as she peacefully looked at this picture the other day.

The Divine Postmaster

Do you ever order something in the mail and you are just so excited to get it you listen for the postman tirelessly throughout the day?

Yeah that was me yesterday, Tim-Tam's coming from Amazon. I couldn't wait to surprise Jake.

So when I heard that metal door swing yesterday on top of my mailbox, I creepily ran to the door, and waited for my mail carrier to get off my porch (because NO ONE wants to seem desperate to get mail RIGHT?). After a safe distance had been made by my mail lady I went outside to grab my package, and as I did so I was startled by a voice yelling "GIVE ME MY MAIL!!"

The mail lady was in the middle of our street walking backward from my neighbor, who was coming at her with his hand outstretched.

"I would like my mail PLEASE!" He demanded.

Guys, I was gone for three days over Thanksgiving Holiday last year, and when I returned, I had a note in my mailbox saying, "Please go to the post office to retrieve your mail."

So I did.

I only had three pieces of mail.

I asked the man at the office why this may have happened. He said " If your mail carrier sees you are not picking up your mail, and they have reasonable belief you are not living there, they don't have to deliver your mail to your address."

Seriously? Over Thanksgiving. Needless to say. I pick up my mail every day now.

So, knowing our mail carrier can be somewhat unreasonable sometimes, I was intrigued with this confrontation on my street, so I continued to listen.

"NO!" said the mail lady. "You can go pick it up at the post office tomorrow when I drop it off there."

"But it is in your hands!! Just give it to me now and get on with it! There is no reason for me to go to the post office!"

She continued to retreat, until she was on another neighbor's porch, he followed her and she yelled back.

"You need to get control of your 70 pound dog! I walked up to give you your mail and the glass door was open and your dog almost pushed through it and attached me! Until you can learn to protect me as your mail carrier, you can pick up your mail at the post office from now on!"

"He would never hurt a fly! Just give me my mail and I will keep my door closed."

"Nope, you need to learn a lesson. Pick up the mail at the post office."

By this time my curiosity had been quenched, so I went back inside. Ten minutes later, they were still arguing, with some of the neighbors popping out of their doors to see what the fuss was about. Finally, the mail carrier stomped off in a rage with the rest of the neighborhood's mail. I couldn't help but think " I'm glad my door is before his!!"

As I opened my scriptures last night I started thinking about my Savoir and how he tries to communicate with me. The mailman experience from that day was still fresh in my mind, and I saw some similarities between it and the holy ghost.

Having the spirit is like getting mail. Most days, you just pick up the mail as routine with no thought or recognition of how it got there or who brought it. It is just there. The ONLY time I actually think about the mailman coming is when I ordered something, and I am waiting with anticipation for it to come in the mail. Sometimes though, if it is quiet and I happen to be at the right place in my house, I can hear the my mail door rise and fall, and I know the post carrier has come.

Now, you DEFINITELY notice when the mail DOESN'T come, especially if you have placed and order and are waiting for it to come in the mail. And then we get that postcard.  "Your mail is available for pickup at the post office."

We only get this when we did something to lose the privilege of the mail carrier. Like if we blocked their parking spot on the street, or if our dog posed a threat to them. Both valid reasons for mail not being delivered.

This is exactly how the spirit works! Most days, I don't even notice I have the spirit with me throughout the day. It is just there. Sometimes I am in the "right place", and I am waiting for it so I do notice when it comes. But most of the time it is just there, silently benefiting me without my recognition. I feel like a lot of saints have expressed that since they don't FEEL the spirit all of the time, he isn't there. Is you mail still in the processed of being delivered even when you don't recognize it? Yes! Although with the spirit, it comes with just a few more conditions, we must be living righteously to receive this privilege.  Just because you don't FEEL the spirit EVERY moment every day does NOT mean he isn't there! And in those moments when you hear him, you know that you are worthy of the privilege of having him deliver your spiritual mail! And if you pay close attention, the divine postman comes every day as long as we are worthy, and just like the normal postman, we need to be listening for him to recognize that he actually is there! By listening, we can learn when to expect that spiritual mail, and by doing so, FEEL his presence more, because he was always there.

Now, if we do something to offend the spirit by bringing in spiritual trashcans and bloodhounds to scare our postman away, he will leave. But he will NEVER leave without leaving us a postcard saying. " Your mail is available at the post office." The Divine Postman ALWAYS points us towards his Master Jesus Christ. Our spiritual mail is always available, and just because we choose to not pick it up does not mean it is still not being sent!!!

Some people when they that postcard go straight to the Post Master and figure out what they did wrong, tell him they will try better, and then he gives them their mail immediately, and they are reinstated the privilege of the post man. But other people who have been caught in sin for SO long, feel like they have lost out of years of spiritual mail, and they will never get it back. They assume it is to late, their mail was thrown out years ago, the postman has declared their address vacant. They do not want to go to the Post Master because they assume they have been forgotten since the mail has stopped coming. On the contrary. The mail is still there. ALL OF IT! Every single piece! Our Savior, The Divine Postmaster NEVER declares us spiritually vacant. He never throws out your spiritual mail, he holds onto it for years and years just hoping you will come pick it up. He wants to give it to us, we just can't get it through the messenger, we need to go straight to the source to be cleansed and purified. And if we will let go of our hurt, get out of the corner of our abandoned house, and just listen, he is at our door, knocking, wondering if we will just open the door and let him talk to us. " Will you allow me to bring you mail personally? "Will you LET me take this sin for you? Because I love you, and I won't stop knocking. Even if you choose foreclose upon your soul. I will not."

"But what about all of my unpaid bills over the years? I have lost everything, and the collectors will come to find me." Christ, in his mercy, has paid all of your bills while you chose not to collect your mail. If you have waited years to approach the Divine Postmaster, and you come to him and repent, the only thing you potentially lost out on were the words and letter of encouragement that could have comforted you  during that dark time, But you receive all the blessings, all the letters, FLOWING back in moment that you repent. Then he sends his spirit, the divine post man, to remind you he is there every day, and that if you ever want to talk with the Post master directly, all you need do is go to his office.

I know that Jesus Christ is the Savoir of all mankind. I know he never gives up on any of us, even when we declare ourselves spiritually bankrupt and believe our soul's repentance expiration date has past. The Holy Ghost is his postman, giving us daily strength and letters of love from our Redeemer. He is always there if we are righteous, even if we cannot always feel him. For The Divine Postmaster has said "I will not leave you comfortless"

The Story of Stella

Okay,

So I have had a few friends recently ask me about Jake and I’s experience with receiving revelation for to have Stella. I preface this with stating this was OUR personal revelation through Heavenly Father. I am not trying to tell you all to have kids by any means. God revealed to us when the right time was to have Stella through the spirit, and that is what you should seek after. He will let YOU know when it is time for you to start a family. I thought by maybe sharing these quotes though it may guide you in your study to seek after your own personal revelation!

Our revelation came while we were preparing a Sunday School lesson about Eternal Families. I cannot remember the exact lesson. But I have kept the quotes that I shared in that lesson. It wasn’t until after the lesson, while we were testifying about the truths of these words, that the sprit testified to us in that moment that these sacred words from the prophet DID apply to us at that time. Some of these words cut like a knife, burned into my very soul, and testified to me that the spirit was telling me—THIS IS YOU RIGHT NOW. I had heard/read some of these quotes before, but they finally actually applied, thus “the guilty took the truth to be hard”. I was guilty of these things and the spirit sure let me and Jake know that.  I was going to bring it up in the car ride home from church, and I was surprised when Jake said “I think we need to start having kids.” That was the same revelation I had received, and I laughed telling Jake, “I was about to say the same thing!”

A little background. Before this, (around October of 2013) we were applying to Medical Schools. I asked Jake when he thought would be a good time to start to have kids. He said that we should wait until we get accepted and our life looks more stable. Also, if we waited to have kids until we got into a medical school, then I could have finished my bachelor’s degree before having our first child. It made sense. We would know where we were living, our financial situation, my educational situation, and we would have a means to provide our future children medical care through the medical school we would be attending. So that is what we decided. Logically, that was our best decision. So we didn’t even really think to mention it again until we got accepted somewhere.

Then we had that lesson (January 2014). Jake had applied to 10 medical schools, and had only interviewed at one (The U of U). Most of his friends were getting their ACCEPTANCE letters to medical schools at this point, and we had only been offered one interview. We thought we had no chance of getting into the U, so we were thinking we would have to wait another year to reapply for all the medical schools, making starting a family even more illogical at that point in time seemingly how unpredictable and unstable our life was at that point.

But, we both felt the spirit tell us we needed to try having children. So we did.

On March 3 of 2014, I took a pregnancy test that came out positive.

We discussed what we were going to do that night. We still have not received one more interview for any of the other 9 medical schools, and people had been receiving acceptance calls from the U for a few weeks at that point. It was looking pretty grim. We had NO idea what we were going to do or how we would take care of this child. So we just said,” God told us to do this, so he will take care of us.” And we left it at that. So happy to have been blessed with a little daughter, but so helpless to know what to do!

On March 6, Thursday morning. Jake went up to campus to work out. He came back and said that he had received a voicemail from the U of U School of Medicine. He asked me “do you want to listen to it with me?” So I did, my heart was racing. The voicemail was from the dean, and simply said to call the dean’s office back at the earliest convenience.” I started jumping up and down and screaming. Only acceptances got calls, people who got rejected got letters. I had to go to work before Jake was able to get ahold of the dean’s office again. But it was good news. He had been accepted. 

The first thing Jake and I said after he got accepted was, “This was a DIRECT blessing from Heavenly Father for having the faith to have Stella, not knowing the outcome, even when the future looked grim.” We both agreed on that, and thanked Heavenly Father for blessing us so abundantly, not just with a precious daughter, but with our temporal needs too! We learned that if you have faith in Christ, YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL. God knows all, sometimes we can’t see how things will work, but he knows oh so much more than we do. He wants to bless us for having faith, and for Jake and I, that was a huge leap of faith we had to take. We receive the greatest blessing in life when we take the LARGEST and seemingly HARDEST and most DIFFICULT leaps of faith. The more weight that you allow Heavenly father to place on you, when it comes time to lift, he helps you to lift it, and you gain SO much more spiritual muscle by letting him help you, because without his help, we can barely lift anything.

I make the mistake too of getting more “spiritual muscle” and then feeling like I can lift the weight myself. I don’t want to bother Heavenly Father with my problems. He has already helped me to lift it once, I shouldn’t have to ask him again and again to lift the same weight! But the truth is, everything is too heavy to lift without his help, EVERY time. Then when that full weight come crashing down on me I realize that again. When that weight I tried to lift alone is suffocating me as I lay on the ground beneath it all, he lifts it ALL for me at that point. He will lift 100% when he needs to in order to save me. He did it in Gethsemane, and he does it over and over again when I ask him, because he knows I am imperfect, and he loves me. That is why the sacrament prayers starts with us promising to keep all the commandments by taking the bread, and then mercifully, with the water, Christ says, “I know you won’t be able to do what you just promised, and as you take the water, remember the blood I shed out of love for you that makes it okay that you will fall short sometimes, and just please try your best to remember my sacrifice for you.” I would much rather not have to make my Savior lift it all alone because I was too prideful to ask for his help in the first place, so I try to put in my meager percent, and by doing that, he increases my strength through his grace and the blood of his atonement!

So to get back on track, our blessings haven’t ended with getting into medical school. It would have been prudent of me to stay at my full time job throughout medical school to help offset some of the debt, but because of Stella I haven’t been able to do that. On the contrary. Jake and I FULLY accepted the fact we would be going into more debt by having kids. We were okay with that, and knew that in time, we would pay off that debt, and Heavenly Father would bless us for keeping the commandments. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon! I was able to find a stay- at – home mom job that not only allows me free reign to spend time with Stella as she needs, I am making MORE than what I would have if I would have stayed on as a full-time worker. I was OK with waiting, but Heavenly Father wanted to show us how much our sacrifice meant to him, and we are continuing to see the blessings because of it.

I still have not been able to receive my Bachelor’s degree, but I have NO doubt that Heavenly Father will make it seamless when my time comes, because in all the other ways we have been blessed. I write this for my posterity, just as in the book of Mormon “to show unto the remnant of the house of Israel what great things the Lord hath done for their fathers.” The lord has indeed done great things for Jake and I, and I want our posterity to know that. When you have faith, you will be blessed. Period. The end.

Now here are some excerpts of some of the talks/ quotes that we prepared in that lesson!

“Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”

Would the Lord want you to break one of his important commandments in order for you to become a doctor? With the help of the Lord, you can have your family and still become a doctor. Where is your faith?’”

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng

These are all from Spencer W. Kimball:

There will be many excuses, of course: "I could not support a wife and go to college." "I could not have children and maintain myself in school." "I thought it would be proper to wait a few years for my marriage and my children." What the Lord will say to these excuses we can only imagine. We are sure he will at least say, "You have not placed first things first."

• After marriage young wives should be occupied in bearing and rearing children. I know of no scriptures or authorities which authorize young wives to delay their families or to go to work to put their husbands through college. Young married couples can make their way and reach their educational heights, if they are determined.
• Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor -- that of the bearing and rearing of children. Too many young people set their minds, determining they will not marry or have children until they are more secure, until the military service period is over; until the college degree is secured; until the occupation is more well-defined; until the debts are paid; or until it is more convenient. They have forgotten that the first commandment is to "be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it." (Genesis 1:28.) And so brides continue their employment and husbands encourage it, and contraceptives are used to prevent conception. Relatives and friends and even mothers sometimes encourage birth control for their young newlyweds. But the excuses are many, mostly weak. The wife is not robust; the family budget will not feed extra mouths; or the expense of the doctor, hospital, and other incidentals is too great; it will disturb social life; it would prevent two salaries; and so abnormal living prevents the birth of children. The Church cannot approve nor condone the measures which so greatly limit the family.

How do you feel the Lord looks upon those who would trade flesh-and-blood children for pianos or television or furniture or an automobile, and is this not actually the case when people will buy these luxuries and yet cannot afford to have their children? Are there not numerous people who first buy the luxury article and then find they cannot pay the doctor or a hospital bill incident to childbirth? How do you think the Lord feels about women who forego the pleasures and glories of motherhood that they might retain their figures, that their social life might not be affected, that they might avoid the deprivations, pains, and agonies of childbearing and birthing? How do you think the Lord feels as he views healthy parents who could have children but who deliberately close the doors, close the doors upon spirits eager to enter into mortal bodies? 

Once again, I want to end this with saying I AM NOT TELLING YOU TO HAVE KIDS RIGHT NOW. This is the counsel I found in researching this matter. I think the most important quote out of these was this one by Neil L Anderson

“When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. These are sacred decisions—decisions that should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith.”

Jake and I acted with faith, and received our answer. Yours may be completely different, as Heavenly Father has separate paths for each of us to become more like him. Jake and I needed a child at that point in life, but you may not. All I know is that when we act on promptings with faith, the “windows of heaven” are open, and we have been overflown with blessings. 

The Cult of Self

I have been reading a lot about worlds events today. And it got to the point where I had to bend to my knees and pray for the world because of how messed up and off we seem to be. I first read an article about how US soldiers are not allowed to stop molestation of young Arab boys from Arab military leaders, even when it is happening on US territory right in front of their faces. I got 3/4 through the article and had to exit out because it was too much for me to read at that time.

Then I read an article about the #shoutyourabortion campaign. With the house rejecting a bill that would protect children over the age of 20 weeks (5 months) from abortions, it just makes me so sad to see the world in the condition it is today. Anywhere above the age of 23 weeks a baby has been shown that life is viable, yet we vote in a law that makes it so abortions can be done on little babies where if a C- section was performed instead of an abortion, that little baby would have life. I believe that some abortions can be merited, but it should never be something you are proud you had to do. You don't hear people shouting and bragging about "I bought a puppy last week because I was feeling sad, and decided I wasn't ready to actually take care of it long term so I took it out back and shot it!" # Killdapuppies, #dempupsaredead. Why would ANYONE brag about killing humans? I get it. Some people say it is their body, their right. But you should not ever be proud to get an abortion, I don't care what the circumstance.

"I've had 2 abortions. I don't have to justify or explain them to anybody. My life is more valuable than a potential life. "

"I had an abortion. My body, my life, my choice. End of story. "

Many women are saying MY choice, MY body, MY decision. No surprise there. In 2014 the new most used word of the year was selfie. Everything is about me, I, myself nowdays. I mean, we all have been selfish throughout mankind, but this takes selfishness to another level. We are now BRAGGING about how selfish we are!! It seems so strange to me. We are a world the values ourselves and our possessions.

Here are some lyric selections from the top 4 songs of 2014

Happy:
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
Because I'm happy
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do


Dark Horse
Make me your Aphrodite
Make me your one and only


All of Me (as if the title doesn't speak for itself)
Give your all to me
Cause I give you all of me
And you give me all of you

Fancy:
I'm so fancy
Feels so good getting what I want, yeah
Who that, who that, I-G-G-Y

No surprises there!! The top four songs are all about possession, and self pleasure. We worship and idolize the self. Need I mention more top selling songs recently? Mine- Taylor Swift, Baby- Justin Beieber. Need I go on?

We are so self consumed. I had a flashback to EFY where we were learning scripture mastery today

2 TIMOTHY 3:

1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents,unthankful, unholy,

3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers,incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,

7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth

I remember stopping and discussing what each of those meant. The first one was complicated ten years ago though. We just described it as being selfish, spending lots of money on yourself for clothing, or just being vain by thinking you were better than everyone. Now,  can think of at least twenty different ways we are specifically lovers of our own selves actively and braggdaciously (Twitter, instagram, selfies, facebook ect.) 

I feel like vs 2 summarizes facebook and teenager electronics problems. 

Vs 3. without natural affection what kind of mother does not have a natural love and instinct to protect and love her unborn child!! Hence, without natural affection. How did we get here?

Despisers of those that are good. No comment needed here.

We are ever learning, but the world will never know the truth of all things....

As we can see, this scripture has already been fulfilled. We are in the last days (that isn't to say it is not going to still get even WORSE.) But we have all bought ourselves a front row seat on the ride "the last days of perilous times". There are no exits to this roller coaster, and while many people are enjoying the thrill and adrenaline of this ride by standing up, not keeping all limbs inside the ride at all times with their seat belts buckled, there will be a time when we flip upside-down, and everyone not buckled in tight will come falling and crashing to the ground.

“In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

Thomas S. Monson has said. "It would be easy to become discouraged and cynical about the future—or even fearful of what might come—if we allowed ourselves to dwell only on that which is wrong in the world and in our lives. Today, however, I’d like us to turn our thoughts and our attitudes away from the troubles around us and to focus instead on our blessings as members of the Church. The Apostle Paul declared, “God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

So all I can do right now is to love, and by keeping the commandments show God that I love him. The world may turn on itself, but our Shepherd will not desert us.