TEACH A MAN TO FISH- MISSIONARY COOKBOOK

Oh Be Not Dismayed.

Many of you know that my little Stella has been disciplining herself as of late. Caught with fingernail polish? Before I can say a word, she starts yelling at herself saying "STELLLA, STEELLLLAA... NO! Put BACK. UH UH!" While at first this was endearing and cute, she is starting to discipline herself on even the smallest of mistakes.

The other day, she tripped and fell, and accidentally got blood on her brand new white pants and made a little hole in them. And as if the scratch on her knee wasn't pain enough, she proceeded to verbally discipline herself! As I heard her getting upset at herself for ripping her pants- My heart ached. It hurt me to see her being so hard on herself. I wanted her to know that mercy is something that we don't just give to others, but ourselves as well. I proceeded to stop her by scooping her up in a hug. I said-  "Stella, it is ok. I don't care about the hole in your pants. You are still getting the hang of running, and sometimes, you fall! I don't care about the stain your blood left. I just want to make sure you are ok. Don't beat yourself up about this. It's OK. It's OK."

As I sat on the ground with her telling her she was loved, and to not be so hard on herself, I felt a warm loving confirmation from the spirit- "Kait, it's ok, I don't care that you have been making a lot of mistake recently. You are still trying to figure this whole mom, wife, and disciple thing out. Don't be so hard on YOURSELF for falling. stop beating yourself up. I love you, It's OK. It's OK.

God taught me a wonderful lesson that day. I have been pretty hard on myself recently with everything that has been going on in my life. I feel like a failure and inadequate in many ways. I felt so bad that I have been letting heavenly father down. Staining the perfect white life he has given me with my blood and holes my mistakes keep leaving in it. But I am learning so much more about how he loves us through raising Stella. When we unnecessarily beat ourselves up for the mistakes in life, I don't think God sits up there and thinks. "Serves you right for ripping your pants!!" I know he feels the way I felt with Stella, and hopes that sometimes, we give yourself a little mercy, because it pains him to see us punish and cause ourselves pain unwarranted by the mistakes of growing, and learning. He is quick to forget about the holes, the blood, the stains in our metaphorical white pants, because he fixed those things long ago with the holes in his hands, the blood of his atonement, and the stains of his tears. And "though your sins (AND MISTAKES) be as scarlet- they shall be [white] as wool.

When Prayers Go Unanswered

I had a wonderful friend pose a very genuine question the other day. A question about faith, healing, prayers, and the spirit.

"For my study this morning, I read, "Jesus went about all the cities and villages ... healing every sickness and every disease among the people" (Matt 9:35) and then "all the multitude, with one accord, did go forth with their sick and ... with all them that were afflicted in any manner; and he did heal them every one as they were brought forth unto him" (3 Nep 17:9).

I grew up in a family where I witnessed faith work miracles. I never doubted God's ability to take away my [trial]. But even though I had complete faith that he could, he didn't take it away, and then [my trial] took away my ability to feel the spirit or feel him there at all. I still knew (and know) he was able to; he just chose not to. When I read scriptures like the above two, I feel any combination of indignation, hopelessness, mourning, abandonment, and resentment.

This isn't unique to me by any means. So I ask all y'all that've had your (or your loved ones') [trials] feel untouched by faith - those for whom the question is apparently, "do you have the faith not to be healed?" (Bednar, general conference Aug 2016) -

How do YOU mentally or emotionally deal with these scriptures? What do YOU do with painful feelings about this? What *actually works* for YOU with aligning stories of people healed vs your own experience of not being healed?"

The Prophet Joseph smith has said "You will have all kinds of trials to pass through. And it is quite as necessary for you to be tried as it was for Abraham and other men of God. God will feel after you, and He will take hold of you and wrench your very heart strings, and if you cannot stand it you will not be fit for an inheritance in the Celestial Kingdom of God.'"

Why is this happening to me?

Why aren't my prayers being answered?

I can't handle this.

I feel so alone.

Why is my faith not enough? 

Why is God choosing not to heal me?

This is causing me to be so depressed. I can barely feel the spirit. How am I supposed to feel hope and comfort in my trial if the darkness of my depression is blocking the light and peace of the spirit?

If God really loved me, why would he allow me to be in so much pain?

I've thought about the above questions for a long time. I know why God puts us through these kind of of experiences, but that doesn't make it any easier when you are in it and the righteous desire of your heart is going unanswered. As these thoughts penetrated my mind. I tried to find any pattern in the scriptures that may provide some hope. And I am no doctrinal scholar, but I seemed to recognize a pattern that God follows in these situations.

EXAMPLE #1

We may turn to the very Son of God Himself, in one of the most sacred experiences ever recorded in mortality.

36 ¶Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane,
      and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder.
37 And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee,
and began to be sorrowful and very heavy.
38 Then saith he unto them,
My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death:
tarry ye here, and watch with me.
39 And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying,
O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:
nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
43 And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.
42 He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying,
O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me,
except I drink it, thy will be done.
44 And he left them, and went away again,
and prayed the third time, saying the same words.

At least in the recorded scripture we have- Jesus Christ, The Son of God, who is one with the father, perfect in every way, a son so in tune, so close to God that he proclaimed, "If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also." -Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, never received an answer from  Heavenly Father from his heartfelt prayer- if he would take his cup from him.  No- "yes I will take it" or -"no you must do this, you know the plan" just silence.

He kept asking- and at one point, an angel was sent to strengthen him. But Heavenly Father stayed silent.  we know that this was Heavenly Father's plan all along since the foundation of the world. He knew this was part of his sons path, and as hard as it may have been to watch his precious child go through it, he knew that he couldn’t take that burden from Christ because he would be taking away HIS purpose on the earth, with the fate of the rest of us as well.

So there you have it. In the most difficult trial in recorded existence- no healing, or removal of his cup was granted. And not even a "yes" or "no " answer was given to his prayer to relieve his suffering (at least I can't find a reply in the scriptures). Not even a reminder from Heavenly Father saying "this is your path". Just an angel for brief comfort in the time he needed it most.

Sometimes, when we are so consumed with grief, and when we lose hope our own intense emotions can overwhelm the comfort of the spirit. But, at least the pattern I can see in the scriptures, God will not give up on us, HE WILL NOT LEAVE US COMFORTLESS.  When he can't reach us through the tender feelings of the spirit inside us- he sends us "angels". Not to take away our trials but at least to have someone to be with us, to try to understand us.

I don’t know if that provides any comfort. That even the savior of the world asked to have his most crushing trial taken from him, to be healed, and it wasn’t. If Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God, who has PERFECT faith, can ask to be healed, to have a trial removed, and is not- sometimes, no amount of faith can overcome God’s plan for us- to become like Christ. But- Christ knows how it feels to be the person in the multitude who has the faith to be healed who goes to his father, and ASKS to be healed, and isn't. He can provide perfect comfort.

EXAMPLE 2- Simon of Cyrene

Later on in his journey, after completing the first step of the atonement, Gethsemane, he took grueling steps to what would be the ultimate abandonment at the cross. No doubt, the comfort which he received from that angelic messenger in the garden was beginning to fade, or completely absent. His prayers still remained unanswered, but in faith, Christ kept walking forward. But God sent another angel, this time, in the form of a mere mortal man, Simon of Cyrene.

32 And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear his cross. 

I repeat again.  HE WILL NOT LEAVE US COMFORTLESS. He always sends angels. Whether in the form of an angelic being, a complete stranger, or as we will see in Job, his own friends. In the times our crosses seem the most crushing, the most heavy, he won't take away the cross completely, but he will send someone to help you carry your cross, even if to give you a brief moment of reprieve before it gets harder. It is no wonder that he commands us to "bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light." and to "mourn with those that mourn; and comfort those that stand in need of comfort." Because he also knows how that feels.

EXAMPLE 3- JOB

11 ¶Now when Job’s three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came every one from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, and Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite: for they had made an appointment together to come to mourn with him and to comfort him.
12 And when they lifted up their eyes afar off, and knew him not, they lifted up their voice, and wept; and they rent every one his mantle, and sprinkled dust upon their heads toward heaven.
13 So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great.

In Job, His friends didn't even know what to say to him to comfort him, there was nothing comforting to say for someone in that situation, all they could do, is physically be there for him. We can act as the comforting angels God promises to send, even if we don't know what to say.

"Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said: “I will not leave you comfortless: My Father and I will come to you and abide with you.”

The pattern is clear. If you are in your Gethsemane right now, and can't feel the comfort of the spirit. If you feel abandoned, alone, and hopeless. Look to the pattern. You will find that he has not forgotten you. I don't know why some are healed and others are not. But I do know that if we are never healed, our trial never lifted in this life, he will search out for us, find us in a dark places, and give us a degree of comfort, whether through feelings of the spirit, messengers, or mortals. He has sent angels to bear you up- most likely in the form of your friends and family. He loves you. And he sends you angels to be there with you when no healing is given. 

The Ultimate Transfusion

When Christ suffered in Gethsemane, he was exposed to every poison, toxin, illness, pain, and sin possible. Satan made sure of that. If there was any chance that the Savoir would succumb to even one of the poisons- Satan would not risk sparing a single one. Therefore, we truly can know that Christ was exposed to everything.  And as we learn in the scriptures, he overcame everything.

I am astounded at how we can find the similitude of Christ's atonement everywhere in our daily lives. We can apply Christ's situation above to our knowledge of current modern medicine. When our bodies are exposed to anything foreign, our body has one of two choices- fight it off and become immune, or succumb to the illness. Therefore "you cannot serve God and Mammon." You are either infected, or immune, there is no middle ground.

One way we have discovered to get around this is through vaccines, blood transfusions, and inoculation. We have found in many cases, the way to heal or to become immune from disease is to expose one's blood to another's who has already developed the antibodies, so our bodies, through exposure, can copy, and create our our immune resistance.

The process of chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants comes to mind in this situation.

"In an allogeneic transplant (meaning, coming from another source), stem cells are donated to the person from another person, a genetically matched stem cell donor. This is usually a family member, a brother or sister with the same tissue type."

The process of a bone marrow transplant involves a donor, and a receiver.. Both the donor and receiver must go through intense, painful procedures to prepare them for this life saving transplant. Before the transplant the receiver is bombarded with chemotherapy, depleting any immune system they may have left.

Then, the transplant occurs. but success is not guaranteed.

The donor's stem cells can cause a common, sometimes serious complication of allogeneic transplants called graft-versus-host-disease (GVHD). This is an immune reaction whereby cells from the donor's immune system recognise the patient's body as foreign and attack it."

Christ, through Gethsemane, Golgotha, and the Garden tomb, overcame it all. His blood, through his atonement, became the ultimate antidote. He was exposed to everything, and his blood became immune to it all.

So how does this apply to me?

We are subjected to the barrage of Satan's spiritually damaging chemotherapy every day. And the radiation ratio is increasing. 

We do not have perfect immune systems, spiritually or physically. But, if we allow Christ to transfuse his perfect, immune blood into our lives, we can become truly IMMUNE. Christ's blood has the antibody for ANY pain, ANY sickness, ANY poison Satan can throw at us. 

This is where graft-vs host disease comes in. We can have the perfect donor, someone who is willing, and able to give us that transplant, someone whose blood IS immune. But unless we are a close enough genetic match to Christ- our bodies may violently reject the transfusion. " I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine." We must come to know him (have similar tissue type), take his name upon us (become related), maybe undergo some chemotherapy to deplete our system of damaged cells before our body may truly accept the sacrifice he has given for us. That is why he can never force it upon us. Our bodies, like a non-matching donor, would reject the transplant, no matter how much he wants it to work. 

So how do we get this transfusion? Is there a way?

When we take the sacrament each week, do we view the sacrament as just a cup of water? If that is the way we see it, that is the extent of the infusion we will receive. An insignificant replenishment of fluids. But is is meant for so much more. 

What would happen if we saw the sacrament as if it were a vaccine? A bone marrow transplant? How easily do we trust our modern medicine? I know for a fact I have been immunized against tetanus. I know that if I step on a rusty nail. I am ok. And yet I haven't trusted in the sacrament providing me that same power over the spiritual sicknesses I encounter. 

As we partake of the body and blood of Christ, we can receive immunity from all lives challenges. That is literally what we are partaking of- his immune blood. I am starting to understand that there IS power in the sacrament, through Christ's atonement. If we see the power in that, and have faith that the sacrament can do that for us, I believe we truly can overcome ANYTHING. 

Patience is a Promise

I am so lucky to live around such great people.

Today I had a wonderful friend Sydney watch my daughter while I closed a loan for my work. It ended early, which gave me some awesome time to chat with Sydney about life.

We started talking about the book "Love and Logic", and I complimented her on something I saw her doing every week with her kids at playgroup.

Every week, there is usually some bike or toy in the courts that both her children want to ride or play with at the same time. With all little kids, teaching patience and sharing can present a challenge. I love the way she handles it. She allows one child to play with the toy, and then sets a timer for the other and says something along the lines of "once this time goes off, you will get your turn." Then she tells the other child "when the timer goes off, it is your turn to share." They rotate playing with the toy and waiting for the timer to go off.

As we were talking about that I just had a random thought pop it my head. What a cool way to teach patience. They KNOW that after that timer goes off, there is a real promise of receiving the thing they waited for. They have trust in the timer, and in their mom.

Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
Then my thoughts automatically turned to the gospel of Jesus Christ. and I thought- Patience ALWAYS has promise included in the word. Without a GUARANTEE  of  receiving what was offered during our time waiting-  the bike. the toy, or the blessing that was promised to us, patience would be an empty promise and a lie. Can you imagine a parent saying "be patient" and then never allowing the child to have what they asked for? If a parent never intended to ever let a child have a certain thing they ask for, the answer would be straight up NO-- not "be patient."

We cannot use the words "Be Patient" without promising the recipient that they will, eventually, in time, receive the thing they are waiting for --if they are indeed, truly patient- meaning, they "accept or (I like this part of the definition) tolerate delay." Because I am not always the best at accepting patience, but I can tolerate it, and my version of tolerate usually includes many tears and sadness, but always ends with hope, and faith that God does keep his promises.

Sometimes being told to be patient is harder than "no" sometimes. At least if I get a "No" I can move on with my life not constantly wondering when I will finally get to ride that bike.  How long must we wait? I would be curious one day to see if my friend set the timer just a little longer than what her children usually expect, what would they do? At what point would their trust in their mom turn to complaining? Or at what point would they try to take justice into their own hands and try to seize the bike for themselves since obviously their mother is NEVER going to have the timer go off. Maybe it it not the same time as other kid's timers, maybe some kids have their own bike, and don't even have to worry about being patient, maybe some kid's parents tell them exactly how long they will need to wait. Many different factors could cause a little child to become frustrated and turn to anger and yell to their mom. "Am I EVER going to get a turn?!! It is not fair that my timer is different than others! Am I ever going to be able to ride the bike? "

How much trust do we have in our Heavenly Father when he tells us to "be patient?" When we see all the others around us being blessed in different ways, times, and circumstances, it is hard not to ask sometimes. WHY? Why do I need to be patient?



For God,  patience is not about the bike nor the blessing- although I am know he delights in making us happy. But just like any parent, he is testing our trust, and hope in him. Can we wait, and prove our love and trust in him is true? At what point do we turn from him? At what point do we take matters into our own hands and try to force his will?


Or how long do we wait for him? And every so often saying "Heavenly Father, I  KNOW, I will get my turn. Patience is a Promise. I trust you with all of my heart, and you have instructed me to be patient, can you help me to not throw a tantrum while I am waiting my turn? Can you help me suppress my anger and jealously for my brother who has been riding the bike for like 50 minutes now and I still haven't even touched it? Can you help me find hope? And Heavenly father, is it my turn yet?"

Sometimes he replies, "not yet." once again. But their is hope. There is always hope. So when God tells us to "be patient" we should rejoice. There is an eternal promise, and hope in his words 'Be patient". You WILL receive the blessing you have so diligently asked for. God cannot lie, and He keeps his promised perfectly.

Parenthood and Prayer

Sometimes, parenting can be exhausting.

A few months ago, Stella was getting to the age where she could start to communicate small things. She started throwing mini tantrums when she would come up to me an pull on me, but I could not understand what she wanted.

So we started working on teaching her basic signs and words for her to associate with the things she wanted.

It took us forever for her to associate hungry with moving her arms in a certain way. Same with basic things like thirsty and please,

After a lot of work on our part as parents, we knew that she understood how to communicate the most common things she needed.

And yet there were some days she would STILL throw a tantrum on the floor, rolling around, whining with this "woe is me attitude"

I literally wanted to yell at her, "You know how to communicate with me!!! If you would just TALK to me, if you would just communicate with me I could help you! I could give you what you want."

This age and stage had been one of my harder challenges of parenthood thus far.

And then I had an epiphany.

I hadn't been praying very constantly lately. And I was a more frustrated mommy.

I can just imagine Heavenly Father was up there saying the EXACT same thing to me! "You know how to communicate with me!!! If you would just TALK to me, if you would just communicate with me I could help you!"

What parent, when they ask their child to say "I'm Hungry!" and then the child does just that... then goes on to say- NOPE! TOO BAD! But some parents may say- "you need to wait until dinnertime, we just had a snack." God sometimes makes us wait.

I was so caught up in the "woe is me, my life is hard." That I forgot to even ask for for help. I forgot to let Heavenly Father know how I felt, and what I needed help with. How can he help us if we don't ask? Even though he is an all knowing Heavenly Being, and knows what we need before we ask it. There is something about vocalizing it that teaches us to be better, and gives him the ability to do so.

Daily Prayer has made a huge difference in our home. If anything, I feel closer to Heavenly Father as a parent, and I want to make it easier for him to bless me and my family, by letting him know our hopes, dreams, and needs.

Savoir's on mount zion

At one point in the recorded experience of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, we are allowed to peer in on a moment of exhaustion experienced by our Savior on his way to the cross. So physically, mentally and emotionally battered, he collapsed from the weight of his cross he had to bear.

Then something absolutely breathtaking happened.

One kind soul helped our Savoir carry his physical cross part of the way up the hill of Calvary.

Even our Savoir was able to feel a moment of partial relief during the most agonizing trial any person has ever experienced.

And it was all because one person decided to help bear another's burden.

It is no wonder that when we are baptized to become his we covenant to "to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort"

We may think that we are just one mortal man or woman, but we truly can help be "Saviors on mount Zion" just like that one mortal man was that day to our Savior on the hill toward Calvary.