The Ultimate Transfusion

When Christ suffered in Gethsemane, he was exposed to every poison, toxin, illness, pain, and sin possible. Satan made sure of that. If there was any chance that the Savoir would succumb to even one of the poisons- Satan would not risk sparing a single one. Therefore, we truly can know that Christ was exposed to everything.  And as we learn in the scriptures, he overcame everything.

I am astounded at how we can find the similitude of Christ's atonement everywhere in our daily lives. We can apply Christ's situation above to our knowledge of current modern medicine. When our bodies are exposed to anything foreign, our body has one of two choices- fight it off and become immune, or succumb to the illness. Therefore "you cannot serve God and Mammon." You are either infected, or immune, there is no middle ground.

One way we have discovered to get around this is through vaccines, blood transfusions, and inoculation. We have found in many cases, the way to heal or to become immune from disease is to expose one's blood to another's who has already developed the antibodies, so our bodies, through exposure, can copy, and create our our immune resistance.

The process of chemotherapy and bone marrow transplants comes to mind in this situation.

"In an allogeneic transplant (meaning, coming from another source), stem cells are donated to the person from another person, a genetically matched stem cell donor. This is usually a family member, a brother or sister with the same tissue type."

The process of a bone marrow transplant involves a donor, and a receiver.. Both the donor and receiver must go through intense, painful procedures to prepare them for this life saving transplant. Before the transplant the receiver is bombarded with chemotherapy, depleting any immune system they may have left.

Then, the transplant occurs. but success is not guaranteed.

The donor's stem cells can cause a common, sometimes serious complication of allogeneic transplants called graft-versus-host-disease (GVHD). This is an immune reaction whereby cells from the donor's immune system recognise the patient's body as foreign and attack it."

Christ, through Gethsemane, Golgotha, and the Garden tomb, overcame it all. His blood, through his atonement, became the ultimate antidote. He was exposed to everything, and his blood became immune to it all.

So how does this apply to me?

We are subjected to the barrage of Satan's spiritually damaging chemotherapy every day. And the radiation ratio is increasing. 

We do not have perfect immune systems, spiritually or physically. But, if we allow Christ to transfuse his perfect, immune blood into our lives, we can become truly IMMUNE. Christ's blood has the antibody for ANY pain, ANY sickness, ANY poison Satan can throw at us. 

This is where graft-vs host disease comes in. We can have the perfect donor, someone who is willing, and able to give us that transplant, someone whose blood IS immune. But unless we are a close enough genetic match to Christ- our bodies may violently reject the transfusion. " I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine." We must come to know him (have similar tissue type), take his name upon us (become related), maybe undergo some chemotherapy to deplete our system of damaged cells before our body may truly accept the sacrifice he has given for us. That is why he can never force it upon us. Our bodies, like a non-matching donor, would reject the transplant, no matter how much he wants it to work. 

So how do we get this transfusion? Is there a way?

When we take the sacrament each week, do we view the sacrament as just a cup of water? If that is the way we see it, that is the extent of the infusion we will receive. An insignificant replenishment of fluids. But is is meant for so much more. 

What would happen if we saw the sacrament as if it were a vaccine? A bone marrow transplant? How easily do we trust our modern medicine? I know for a fact I have been immunized against tetanus. I know that if I step on a rusty nail. I am ok. And yet I haven't trusted in the sacrament providing me that same power over the spiritual sicknesses I encounter. 

As we partake of the body and blood of Christ, we can receive immunity from all lives challenges. That is literally what we are partaking of- his immune blood. I am starting to understand that there IS power in the sacrament, through Christ's atonement. If we see the power in that, and have faith that the sacrament can do that for us, I believe we truly can overcome ANYTHING. 

Patience is a Promise

I am so lucky to live around such great people.

Today I had a wonderful friend Sydney watch my daughter while I closed a loan for my work. It ended early, which gave me some awesome time to chat with Sydney about life.

We started talking about the book "Love and Logic", and I complimented her on something I saw her doing every week with her kids at playgroup.

Every week, there is usually some bike or toy in the courts that both her children want to ride or play with at the same time. With all little kids, teaching patience and sharing can present a challenge. I love the way she handles it. She allows one child to play with the toy, and then sets a timer for the other and says something along the lines of "once this time goes off, you will get your turn." Then she tells the other child "when the timer goes off, it is your turn to share." They rotate playing with the toy and waiting for the timer to go off.

As we were talking about that I just had a random thought pop it my head. What a cool way to teach patience. They KNOW that after that timer goes off, there is a real promise of receiving the thing they waited for. They have trust in the timer, and in their mom.

Patience: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.
Then my thoughts automatically turned to the gospel of Jesus Christ. and I thought- Patience ALWAYS has promise included in the word. Without a GUARANTEE  of  receiving what was offered during our time waiting-  the bike. the toy, or the blessing that was promised to us, patience would be an empty promise and a lie. Can you imagine a parent saying "be patient" and then never allowing the child to have what they asked for? If a parent never intended to ever let a child have a certain thing they ask for, the answer would be straight up NO-- not "be patient."

We cannot use the words "Be Patient" without promising the recipient that they will, eventually, in time, receive the thing they are waiting for --if they are indeed, truly patient- meaning, they "accept or (I like this part of the definition) tolerate delay." Because I am not always the best at accepting patience, but I can tolerate it, and my version of tolerate usually includes many tears and sadness, but always ends with hope, and faith that God does keep his promises.

Sometimes being told to be patient is harder than "no" sometimes. At least if I get a "No" I can move on with my life not constantly wondering when I will finally get to ride that bike.  How long must we wait? I would be curious one day to see if my friend set the timer just a little longer than what her children usually expect, what would they do? At what point would their trust in their mom turn to complaining? Or at what point would they try to take justice into their own hands and try to seize the bike for themselves since obviously their mother is NEVER going to have the timer go off. Maybe it it not the same time as other kid's timers, maybe some kids have their own bike, and don't even have to worry about being patient, maybe some kid's parents tell them exactly how long they will need to wait. Many different factors could cause a little child to become frustrated and turn to anger and yell to their mom. "Am I EVER going to get a turn?!! It is not fair that my timer is different than others! Am I ever going to be able to ride the bike? "

How much trust do we have in our Heavenly Father when he tells us to "be patient?" When we see all the others around us being blessed in different ways, times, and circumstances, it is hard not to ask sometimes. WHY? Why do I need to be patient?



For God,  patience is not about the bike nor the blessing- although I am know he delights in making us happy. But just like any parent, he is testing our trust, and hope in him. Can we wait, and prove our love and trust in him is true? At what point do we turn from him? At what point do we take matters into our own hands and try to force his will?


Or how long do we wait for him? And every so often saying "Heavenly Father, I  KNOW, I will get my turn. Patience is a Promise. I trust you with all of my heart, and you have instructed me to be patient, can you help me to not throw a tantrum while I am waiting my turn? Can you help me suppress my anger and jealously for my brother who has been riding the bike for like 50 minutes now and I still haven't even touched it? Can you help me find hope? And Heavenly father, is it my turn yet?"

Sometimes he replies, "not yet." once again. But their is hope. There is always hope. So when God tells us to "be patient" we should rejoice. There is an eternal promise, and hope in his words 'Be patient". You WILL receive the blessing you have so diligently asked for. God cannot lie, and He keeps his promised perfectly.

Parenthood and Prayer

Sometimes, parenting can be exhausting.

A few months ago, Stella was getting to the age where she could start to communicate small things. She started throwing mini tantrums when she would come up to me an pull on me, but I could not understand what she wanted.

So we started working on teaching her basic signs and words for her to associate with the things she wanted.

It took us forever for her to associate hungry with moving her arms in a certain way. Same with basic things like thirsty and please,

After a lot of work on our part as parents, we knew that she understood how to communicate the most common things she needed.

And yet there were some days she would STILL throw a tantrum on the floor, rolling around, whining with this "woe is me attitude"

I literally wanted to yell at her, "You know how to communicate with me!!! If you would just TALK to me, if you would just communicate with me I could help you! I could give you what you want."

This age and stage had been one of my harder challenges of parenthood thus far.

And then I had an epiphany.

I hadn't been praying very constantly lately. And I was a more frustrated mommy.

I can just imagine Heavenly Father was up there saying the EXACT same thing to me! "You know how to communicate with me!!! If you would just TALK to me, if you would just communicate with me I could help you!"

What parent, when they ask their child to say "I'm Hungry!" and then the child does just that... then goes on to say- NOPE! TOO BAD! But some parents may say- "you need to wait until dinnertime, we just had a snack." God sometimes makes us wait.

I was so caught up in the "woe is me, my life is hard." That I forgot to even ask for for help. I forgot to let Heavenly Father know how I felt, and what I needed help with. How can he help us if we don't ask? Even though he is an all knowing Heavenly Being, and knows what we need before we ask it. There is something about vocalizing it that teaches us to be better, and gives him the ability to do so.

Daily Prayer has made a huge difference in our home. If anything, I feel closer to Heavenly Father as a parent, and I want to make it easier for him to bless me and my family, by letting him know our hopes, dreams, and needs.

Savoir's on mount zion

At one point in the recorded experience of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, we are allowed to peer in on a moment of exhaustion experienced by our Savior on his way to the cross. So physically, mentally and emotionally battered, he collapsed from the weight of his cross he had to bear.

Then something absolutely breathtaking happened.

One kind soul helped our Savoir carry his physical cross part of the way up the hill of Calvary.

Even our Savoir was able to feel a moment of partial relief during the most agonizing trial any person has ever experienced.

And it was all because one person decided to help bear another's burden.

It is no wonder that when we are baptized to become his we covenant to "to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort"

We may think that we are just one mortal man or woman, but we truly can help be "Saviors on mount Zion" just like that one mortal man was that day to our Savior on the hill toward Calvary.

I will follow God's Plan for Me!

OK, So some follow up from last week.

The kids LOVED pin the kiss on Daddy. To save on time, we had them come up in groups to pin their kiss on Daddy. It kinda helps to get their wiggles out, and at the same time they learn the song. We will pull out "Danny Daddy" again next week to practice for our father's day performance on June 19th!

But, now is the task of preparing for the primary program.

It is HARD teaching 12 children 7 and under songs like "Praise to the man". Our ward is a student ward, and most children move out by the age of 6.  Most my little ones are sunbeams. So I gotta go outside the box to try to help these little kiddos remember. Laughter and fun help my brain to remember songs, along with the spirit. So we are going to try this to learn, "I will follow God's Plan for Me."

My life is a gift; my life has a plan.

My life has a purpose; in heav'n it began.

My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth

And seek for God's light to direct me from birth.

I will follow God's plan for me,

Holding fast to his word and his love.

I will work, and I will pray;

I will always walk in his way.

Then I will be happy on earth

And in my home above.

I read this and thought, PLAN OF HAPPINESS, yes! But in a song!

So why not make this song into a game? Like a treasure hunt where the plan of salvation is your map, to get the next clue you have to learn a few lines in the song, and use the clues as visual aids along the way to help them learn and remember the song. We will build upon each new line, and sing the ones we learned before every time we get a new one. So here is how I am thinking of introducing it!

OK kiddos. I got a problem,

Heavenly Father wants me to teach you this song! But it is kinda hard for me. BUT!! guess what, he left us a GIFT. And inside of it, he left us a map, or a plan to get back to him! At the end of this map, we will find a GREAT TREASURE that Heavenly Father has given to us. Will you help me to find this treasure!!?? Awesome. Now, the clues to get us to the treasure are in the new song we are learning called "I will follow God's Plan for Me." And the only way we can get the next clue is through singing and learning the lyrics of the song! As we learn more and more of the song, we will get closer and closer to finding the treasure and learning what Heavenly Father's plan for us is! So lets get started.

Week 1 plans! (Verse)

My life is a gift; - Gift box

my life has a plan.- plan of happiness map in gift box. After they learn these two lines, give them instructions on how to find next 2 clues.

My life has a purpose; in heav'n it began.- Inside gift box have picture of preearth life

My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth- Picture of earth somewhere (I did it on the box)- 

Place clue to find a light somewhere on back earth.

And seek for God's light to direct me from birth.- Light source. 

Week 2! (Chorus)

I will follow God's plan for me, 

Holding fast to his word and his love.

(stepping stones the kids can physically step on (I added the 4th article of faith on the stones since we just learned that) with a string tied from one chair to another like the iron rod that has hearts and words on it.) Each stone has the lyrics of the next line on it, and you come up with actions together).

I will work, and I will pray;- walk back to seat while hammering invisible hammer. fold arms for pray.

I will always walk in his way.-  March in place

Then I will be happy on earth- point to smile

And in my home above.- Make tepee with hands that slowly go up to sky.

Second week is a lot more hand movements than the visual. But this is just a two week plan to help teach the kids (That would take FOREVER to do this every week). Every week after that you can use the few props to help them remember  the words,and slowly remove the proper (just like a game, by saying "Do you think you can remember without the light!!?)

On week 2 at the end once they have learned the WHOLE SONG post a picture on the wall somewhere OF "IN MY HOME ABOVE" and ask them to find it. 

(I used this one) from library. And behind it I wrote, "The treasure is in the bishops office!!"

I still need to ask my bishop if he is willing to do this, but I was thinking of getting chocolate coins with a picture of jesus that on one side says "I know God's plan for me." for the treasure, and have the bishop share his testimony to them about the plan of salvation. 

It will probably change a little as I talk to my president about it and see what she thinks. But that is an idea for now!

Tata for now! Wish me luck!

Cast The First Stone

Brock Turner

A name I had never heard until about a week ago when it showed trending on my Facebook feed.

I read the story, was upset, and decided to click into the victim's letter to the judge.

Thoughts crossed my mind, "How could 6 months be enough jail time for what this cruel monster did to this poor girl?"

" The means don't justify the end."

Just because he was drunk does not excuse his behavior. It doesn't help that his father tried to defend his boy and take no responsibility for what his son did in a letter released. It poured gasoline on a raging forest fire.

My initial reaction to this kid's story was that since the US justice department did not deal justly in his sentence (in my -and it seems the whole world's- opinion) that it was now our job to make sure justice is served by destroying this young man on social media and publicizing his sins. So I took up my stone thinking "Isn't this what I would want if this had been my daughter in this situation? Social media rolling behind us, destroying the filth that harmed my family?"

And then I felt guilt.

I realized that my testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ is not where it should be.

Just a few days before this I had wrote a comment on facebook about my views on the atonement

"It is not true that someone can use the atonement more than another. It doesn't work like that. It isn't a well I sinned 5% today, and that person over there sinned 80%, which means I am a better person because I needed to use less of the atonement. No. It doesn't work that way. Once we sin in the least degree, whether it is 90%, 50%, or 0.001% , we all disqualify ourselves for heaven, which makes us all sinners with equal need for the atonement. The Lord has said that He “cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance” (D&C 1:31). He doesn't say "small sins" or Large and egregious sins." he just says SIN.  All of us need the atonement 100% of the time, and if we think we don't, then we obviously don't understand it. "

"Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?... He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone..."

I think God was trying to test my words to see if it matched my behavior. If this is truly how I felt, my reaction to the Brock Turner case would be Mercy and pain for a fellow sibling who made a mistake that caused another harm. And I would be OK with him receiving that mercy, because I know on the other side of the problem, the rape victim would receive the same comfort, care, love, and peace from the Savoir as well. And knowing that quenches my thirst for justice in her behalf.


I guess what I am trying to say is that if I truly believed my above statement-my reaction should not be to be the master of justice, Because, at this point, the act has been done.  I don't think casting stones at this poor boy at this point is going to lead him to repentance, only the God of Israel can do that. And I would rather not be one of the Pharisees or scribes seen holding a stone at the last day when God asks me, "What did you try to do to help bring your fellow brother to salvation when he made a mistake?"

I do feel that a major mistake has been made on the part of the Justice system in his sentencing. And I feel that it needs to be addressed and adjustments made to prevent this kind of mistake in the future. But that is where why energy will go. Not to declare damnation to the boy who committed this crime. I am pretty sure if he was the one to make the choice between being crucified on social media and going to prison for 5 years, He would choose the latter. The Judge's ruling of 6 months in jail unfortunately created a lifelong sentence for the 19 year old Brock Turner. The world will forever remember him for his one big mistake in life. 

Does this mean I think Mr. Tuner is not guilty? Not at all. He is 100% guilty. Do I still fight back feelings of anger because of what he did to another daughter of God? Yes.  But the beauty of the atonement is that we can be 100% guilty, and still be 100% forgiven if we decide to repent and forsake our sins. And those hurt by another's agency can be healed and find peace as a result of that same Atonement of Jesus Christ

I may view him as one of those 95% sinners and myself only 20%, but I need the atonement just as much as he does, no matter what degree our sins are. And for his sake I hope he uses it to find peace from a world that would try to convince him his sin is unforgivable. I will put my stones down and direct my desire that God will grant all of us Grace and Mercy for the unforgivable things we all do.

Daddy's Homecoming

So, I have been subbing as singing time teacher the past few weeks in Primary and have been having a lot of fun! Some ideas have been better than others, but I am excited to see how this week goes with teaching the kid's Daddy's Homecoming for fathers day!

1. I'm so glad when daddy* comes home,
   Glad as I can be;
   Clap my hands and shout for joy,
   Then climb upon his knee,
   Put my arms around his neck,
   Hug him tight like this,
   Pat his cheeks, then give him what?
   A great big kiss.

So, I searched Pintrest all over for a fun creative idea to help these kids learn this song, and I couldn't find anything that inspired me.

Then I had an epiphany...

"PIN THE KISS ON DADDY!!"

Oh so great.

So I made my own little "Stick daddy" that could fit on a chair. Each child will get a pair of colored "Lips" that they get to try to pin on Daddy at the end of the song, but to be able to earn their shot at pinning the kiss on Daddy, they have to come up and act out the song sitting on "Daddy's" lap.

I am hoping the kids will think it is silly and funny, but also by seeing other kids doing the actions while we sing the song over and over will help solidify the lyrics! 

Each kid will get a "Chocolate kiss" after they make their attempt (I am doing starbursts because we have some lactose kiddos...but they will get the point.)

I thought it was pretty clever. We will see how it goes this week!

The Girl in the Purple Skirt

I saw the most touching thing this morning.

There is an elementary school bus that stops outside my house every day around 8:00 AM. I have to keep extremely close watch after I drop Jake off at school because there are cute little hooligans running around everywhere trying to make it to the bus on time.

So as I was waiting to pull into my driveway I saw the bus pull up and stop and the little kids start to pile onto the bus one by one.

As I was starting to pull into my driveway, I could see a little girl about 5 to 6 years old running her little heart out down the street with her pink princess backpack that was a big as she was flopping back and forth on her little back screaming "wait! wait!" with tears rolling down her cheek. I could see her, but I doubt the bus driver could.

I just thought "That poor little girl is gonna miss the bus even though she is running her heart out to get on it."

The first time I missed the bus for school I bawled.

Then, I saw something that pulled at my heart strings.

There was a girl, maybe 7 with a purple skirt, who was the last in line to get on the bus. As she was walking toward the bus, I noticed she caught a glimpse of that little girl sprinting down the street. I watched this little 7 year old girl take one look at the girl, then the bus, then back to the girl, and then continue to walk towards the bus. Then, she hesitated, and stopped right in her tracks about 6 feet from the bus as all the other kids piled on the bus. I could hear that busdriver yelling at her saying "Comeon! get on the bus! I can't wait forever." But the girl in the purple skirt stood her ground outside that bus until that little pink princess huffed and puffed her way onto that bus, and then followed her on.

Now you may think. OK Kait, that is really cheesy. Seriously? That almost brought you to tears this morning? You are pathetic.

This little seven year old girl in a purple skirt risked her guaranteed spot on the bus to help a friend (or maybe a complete stranger). Although the busdriver couldn't see that little girl with the princess backpack running her heart out, the girl in the purple skirt could. And she knew the busdriver Could see her and communicate with her. So, at possible personal cost, she stood her ground to help someone in need.

Sound familiar yet?

Sometimes in life I feel like that girl with that princess backpack. The stuff packed inside of my backpack of life seems more than I can handle-and it is heavy. But I know that I need to make it on the bus to go anywhere in life, but it just seems so far away, I have too much to carry, and I know I am already past the deadline of when I should have been on the bus. I am running my little heart out crying and just anticipating the worst- that I will be left on the sidewalk alone in my pity because I just couldn't run fast enough.

But then there is the girl in the little purple skirt.

Or should I say, our Savior, Jesus Christ, In his royal robes of violet.

As I was watching this scene unfold this morning, the spirit just spoke so strongly  to me and said "He will wait for you too."

I know that Christ was willing to wait for us, even when it meant it could-and absolutely did- come at great personal cost. Heavenly Father will never leave behind his Only Begotten Son, and Christ will never get on that bus without us as long as we are running to him no matter how long the distance to him is. Christ waits for us in our sins, in our pains, in our trials, in our sicknesses.

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. (Alma 7:11-12 Book of Mormon.)"

That he may know, according to the flesh, how to "run to" His people- according to their infirmities. 

I don't know what everyone's infirmities consist of. But I do know and testify that the Master of all, Jesus Christ, knows how EVERY pain feels, every heartache, every sorrow, every emotion, every sin, every disappointment, every stress.

He loves us. And he does run to us.

The Everlasting Well

OK. It's gonna get real here for a second.

Guys, life gets pretty tough sometimes.

I tell that to myself sometimes. And sometimes my mind screams back at me. "You are just a wuss!"

I guess its kinda like Bryan Regan's Skit on going to the ER. I can't bring myself to say I have a life "pain" or "trial" level of ten because, man... someone else has got a broken femur out there, and they have exclusive rights to a "10". And if I ever were to say my life is hard, someone with a "life toughness" level of ten would come out and say “Who the HECK… had the AUDACITY… to say he was at a level ten?!? You know nothing about ten. Give me a sledgehammer, and let me show you what ten is all about, Mr. Tummy-ache!”

How can I really say my life gets hard sometimes when someone is dying from cancer? Or is a single mom who's husband died young? Or who is grateful for being able to eat one meal per day?

Nope, my life is pretty cush. I am EXTREMELY blessed.

Which makes it all the worse when I can't help but feel sorry for myself when my blessed, cush life seems a little hard sometimes. But I feel like I have more first world problems. Stella got sick, stressing about debt from medical school, seeming like I have too much to do in a day and not enough time to accomplish it. Sometimes I just want to kick myself in the pants and say "HEY! At least you are able to GO to medical school! At least you can afford antibiotics! Ect." It doesn't matter what my trial is, my mind always tries to find a way to tell me my trials are so much less than another, and I am pathetic and selfish for even thinking my life is hard.

This process in my mind usually just makes me feel worse. Not only do I still feel like my life is hard in that moment, but I then feel GUILTY about FEELING my life is hard!

And as a result, I go to self  pity to soothe myself. "I just can't do it anymore, I have no more energy, I have NOTHING left to give. My well is dry. How can anyone expect me to give anything more because its gone." And as I repeat this phrase over and over again, I just feel more and more sorry for myself . But feeling this sorrow seems to justify my actions and behavior. I can act this way because "CAN'T YOU SEE I AM SAD?"

One of Satan's greatest tactics is to get us to compare ourselves to others. It is OK that I feel my life is hard sometimes, because those are MY feelings. And he tries to tell me that it is not OK to have those feelings so I feel that my problems are too small, too trivial compared to others, to go to Heavenly Father in Prayer about. And the only other way I have found to soothe that pain is directing that pain inward, internally, to beat myself up and justify my pain. It is selfish, internal, and keeps Satan right where he wants you, in a pit of despair right with him.

As I was repeating I have NOTHING left to give. My well is dry. over and over to myself one morning, I decided the Stella and Jake still needed me, and I needed to do something about it. I thought, I am telling this to myself over and over, maybe I should try to direct this pain externally instead of internally.

So I got on my knees.

I literally just said the exact same thing that was going through my head the past few mornings over and over again in a prayer. I just can't do it anymore, I have no more energy, I have NOTHING left to give. My well is dry. How can anyone expect me to give anything more because its gone. And instead of directing it internally, I said these same words as a prayer. And As I was repeating those words, This thought came to me immediately.

"I KNOW your well is dry, I have seen you struggling for some time just HOPING you would just TALK to me about it. I know you feel empty, I know you feel like you have nothing left to give. And that is ok, because you really don't. But I, I have living water. Your well may be empty, but my well is everlasting, and if you rely on me, I will fill your well. I don't just carry the lost sheep! I carry the wounded and weak sheep too!" Come unto me, ye who labors and is heavy laden, and I will give ye rest unto your soul.

And rest I did find.

It was amazing how literally just changing my frame of mind changed my whole attitude and look on life. There is NOTHING WRONG with thinking those thoughts. What is wrong about having those thoughts is when they drive us to pity and despair rather than to hope and light and GREATFULNESS that the burden CAN be lightened when we pray, and ask for Christ's atonement to strengthen us through our individual trials, no matter HOW big or small.

That day was a lot better. But it didn't get any easier. the next day I found myself leaning towards self pity again, but I decided to pray again, and I was filled again with the same answer- lean on me and I will help you walk today. And if you ask again tomorrow, I will be there to help you run. 

I am definitely not running yet, but I feel the strengthening power of the atonement help me walk through my days. Yes, Even though I am extremely blessed, that doesn't mean Heavenly Father doesn't want to help me through the small things I go through that can be big to me sometimes. And I am grateful for this wonderful gift of Grace that God has given me, that through the strengthening power of Christ's atonement, I can do anything.

"But why would you do this for me?

Because I love you..

But it doesn't seem fair.

That's right it's not fair-it's merciful. It is, after all, a gift.

But how can I possibly deserve such a gift?

Don't be silly. you can't. you don't - The gift is offered because I love you & want to help you, not because I owe it to you.

But how can I ever repay you?

There you go again. you can't repay me, not you or the billions like you. Gifts of this magnitude can never be repaid. For what I have done out of love for you, you can only love me back, and seek to become what I am- a giver of good gifts.

And that is good news."

Our Soul Account with Christ

 We often think that having faith in Christ means believing in his identity as the Son of God and the Savior of the world. But believing in Jesus's identity as the Christ is on the first half of it. The other half is believing in his ability, his power to save- to make stumbling, unworthy sons and daughters worthy... We must not only believe IN Christ, but we must also BELIEVE Christ when he says he can clean us up and make us celestial. 

He says he can MAKE us celestial material, no matter where we start, and we have the audacity to sit here and say ,"No he can't? I'm too broken? I am too far gone?" We may believe in Christ, but many of us don't BELIEVE CHRIST. We believe Christ makes promises he can't keep.

Many within the church are trying to save ourselves, to do it all with Jesus Christ merely as an advisor. But he wants to do so much more than that!!! Members know why Jesus can be called a coach, a cheerleader, an advisor, a teacher, our elder brother, the head of the church, and even God. Most of us understand all of that. But we don't understand why he is called the Savoir.

When we enter into the baptismal covenant, by taking Christ's name upon us, it is like our soul's our entering a "joint soul bank account" with Christ. Christ's balance in his bank account is ALWAYS positive Infinity. He earned that positively endless balance by performing the Infinite atonement. Thus, by joining our "soul account" with his, no matter what WE DO, as long as we try to keep the terms of the agreement, our balance is the same as his- making us perfect. Each week we come to resign that contract by taking the sacrament. Some weeks, we may have feel that we have over drafted, we fell short of our covenants, messed up, made mistakes, and made the balance go negative. But Infinity plus any number... 0, 2 million, negative 5, or even if we feel like we have hit negative infinity.... Infinity plus any number, positive or negative, is always infinity. 

That means whether you are the prophet and you feel you put in 1,000,000 a week to the "Joint account of your soul & Christ" --Infinity . Whether you try your best to wrestle with sin and slip up but covenant to try to do better each week- still infinity. Or even if you are an addict who has been authorized to take the sacrament for the first time in months or years...The moment we take the sacrament and TRULY enter into that covenant with a promise to do are best, we all join our account with Christ. We ALL become equal to the lord. Because when we have Christ we can do ANYTHING.  No matter how little you feel you can bring to Christ, if you will let him enter, HE (not we) will make us celestial. 

I want to gain a stronger testimony of Jesus Christ as my Savoir. I know he has saved my from many things, pain, sadness, sin, but I know there are many things that he has also saved me from that I haven't discovered yet. I believe in Christ when he can save me from my personal weaknesses too, and need to be better at BELIEVING Christ that he can save and help me with WHATEVER I need.